I have a special belonging I don’t show many people.
I hide it away in a secret drawer, and sometimes I pull it out to stroke it lovingly. Every so often, I murmur little secrets to it and tuck it under my pillow for the night. You’ll be safe here, little friend.
I think I’m ready, though. I’m ready to show you. To share one of the most wondrously peculiar items to ever grace a mailbox- probably in the whole history of the world.
Do you not agree? I think I heard you gasp.
(p.s. no stalkers- we don’t live there anymore.)