It’s that time of year where the stress of the holidays is only rivaled by the stress of whether or not you will make New Years resolutions. Are you the sort who punishes yourself by piling thoughts of losing weight and keeping your home spotless and homeschooling your kids on top of them going to public school and eating nothing unhealthy ever again, on top of last minute gift-shopping and decorating and cooking?
I was listening to some song on Spotify this morning as I punished the treadmill, and it was all about how everyone is on antidepressants and is anyone wondering why this is the case? And I was all in general agreement, but simultaneously so grateful for my antidepressants. So then it’s like. well who cares why we’re all depressed and anxious, as long as we can fix it!?
But then that was a slightly bothersome thought. Christian is really good at thought modification. He’s taken the whole idea to heart. He started really practicing it when he stopped drinking 4 1/2 years ago, and it’s definitely something you have to work at, but he’s known all along that it was the key to his sobriety, and therefore his whole life.
I’m inspired by him. He’s a positive influence on me, and I try to live up to what he is succeeding so formidably at, but sometimes I find myself slipping into a pity party. It happens. It’s normal.
So I decided to compile a list of affirmations. Mostly because I hate the idea of affirmations. Plus I find that if I think of things that make me laugh that solves everything. This is my way of dealing with just about everything, so here is my very powerful list of affirmations. I implore you to adopt them for your very own. Tape them to your mirror and whatnot.
- I am a gifted parallel parker.
- I excel at picking stray feathers out of my winter coat.
- No one can floss their teeth quite like I can.
- My ankles are awe-inspiring.
- I can be mistaken for a Republican.
- I have a special talent for making myself feel like shit about doing all sorts of horrible things like ruining my children and spending too much on groceries.
- My ability to listen to people who talk incessantly, without stabbing them in the gullett is unparalleled.
- I have a unique mole on my armpit, and it makes me feel like one-of-a-kind.