Folks, food is pricey. Walk into a grocery store with pockets busting at the seams, and you will leave a pauper.
With plenty of hard work, planning and good old-fashioned stick to-it-iveness, you can save a mint on grocery bills and jab your middle finger up at all of the fat cat corporate grocers. Screw you, Mr. Whole Food.
1. Pad the sandwich. It’s no secret that we Americans have supersized all of our portions, so instead of actually serving all of that unneeded food to your family, trick them. A little toilet paper never hurt anyone, and think about all that extra fiber!
2. Remember all those mud pies you made as a child? Did you know then how many nutrients are to be found in dirt? Why, depending on where in the world you live, your local dirt can supply up to 98% of your daily requirement of everything. This is a completely true statement. Everything you need comes from dirt- including those cuddly damn worms.
3. Don’t overlook the power of the five-finger discount. A well-executed round of shoplifting can yield thousands of dollars worth of groceries for your stockpiling pleasure.
4. Take a cue from all of those pretentious urban chefs and present your meals in modern fusion style. Your family will be totally blown away by your ingenuity- so much so that they will forget how empty their poor little bellies are after consuming these pieces of art.
5. Ultimately, it’s all about the menu. After an awesomely crafted menu, what else matters? Certainly not the fact that you are just about to eat the most disgusting, unsatisfying meal of your life.