How to Feed Your Family on a Limited Budget

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Folks, food is pricey. Walk into a grocery store with pockets busting at the seams, and you will leave a pauper.

With plenty of hard work, planning and good old-fashioned stick to-it-iveness, you can save a mint on grocery bills and jab your middle finger up at all of the fat cat corporate grocers. Screw you, Mr. Whole Food.

Here’s how:

1. Pad the sandwich. It’s no secret that we Americans have supersized all of our portions, so instead of actually serving all of that unneeded food to your family, trick them. A little toilet paper never hurt anyone, and think about all that extra fiber!

stuffed sandwich

2. Remember all those mud pies you made as a child? Did you know then how many nutrients are to be found in dirt? Why, depending on where in the world you live, your local dirt can supply up to 98% of your daily requirement of everything. This is a completely true statement. Everything you need comes from dirt- including those cuddly damn worms.

3. Don’t overlook the power of the five-finger discount. A well-executed round of shoplifting can yield thousands of dollars worth of groceries for your stockpiling pleasure.

4. Take a cue from all of those pretentious urban chefs and present your meals in modern fusion style. Your family will be totally blown away by your ingenuity- so much so that they will forget how empty their poor little bellies are after consuming these pieces of art.

modern dinner

 

5. Ultimately, it’s all about the menu. After an awesomely crafted menu, what else matters? Certainly not the fact that you are just about to eat the most disgusting, unsatisfying meal of your life.

menu

Bon Apetit!

23 Comments

  1. 03/13/2012 / 6:26 am

    I love frugal humor!

  2. 03/13/2012 / 8:31 am

    The bowtie pasta masterpiece made me laugh out loud. And you know there's going to be an episode about a toilet paper sandwich eater on one of those TLC shows someday.

  3. 03/13/2012 / 8:49 am

    #4…now why when a two year old wants to eat like this, we freak out, but when a top chef charges $150 for it, it suddenly becomes a meal.

    Thanks for the tips.

  4. 03/13/2012 / 9:31 am

    I needed a laugh today. Fabulous.

  5. 03/13/2012 / 9:49 am

    Exactly. Two year olds are creative geniuses and we should be charging them $150 per dinner.

  6. 03/13/2012 / 9:49 am

    That was actually my second try at the minimalist plate. The first one looked dumb, and I gained some respect for those damn chefs.

  7. 03/13/2012 / 10:50 am

    I'm loving that menu!!! Kind of reminds me of the other day when I presented my husband with a delectable carrot entree with carrot sauce and a side of carrots boiled in creme de carrot… yeah, um, the fridge was empty of everything but carrots.

  8. 03/13/2012 / 1:08 pm

    I love the one goldfish next to the to sandwich. And your menu seems a bit pretentious to me. What the hell is tartare? Plain ramen please. Geez.

  9. Michalene
    03/13/2012 / 1:18 pm

    That doesn't look like Charmin.

  10. 03/13/2012 / 1:39 pm

    Thank God I'm not the only one feeding my family toilet paper. It's so good for the environment and the wallet…it's just good sense.

  11. 03/13/2012 / 2:46 pm

    See? You made the most of a tricky situation, and I bet your husband loved your creativity. Who needs steak and a baked potato and a delicious salad when you can be so innovative with carrots?

  12. 03/13/2012 / 3:12 pm

    Very funny! Love the menu. Thanks for linking up with the Great blogging Anniversary!

  13. 03/14/2012 / 3:00 am

    The photos totally made this post. Love the sad, solitary Goldfish cracker.

  14. 03/14/2012 / 5:39 pm

    Ha, thanks for the laugh!

  15. 03/15/2012 / 11:01 am

    Ha ha!

    I'm on a mission to cut my family's grocery spending. Not the most fun of tasks — until, that is, I read this. 🙂

    Cheers,
    Kristina
    P.S. Discovered you blog via SITS. Congrats on getting featured!

  16. 03/19/2012 / 4:10 am

    Reminds me of when my mom used to put butter and sugar sandwiches in our lunches. I love it! She was so great! I only found out years later that those were what she had left toward the end of a pay period so they were frugal delights. Ignorance was bliss. Love you artistic rendition with bow tie pasta.

  17. 04/04/2012 / 2:11 pm

    I like how the green pea is almost, but not directly, over the orange dot.

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