How to Make Your Grandma Love You More

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Granny’s not getting any younger, and neither are you. Don’t you sometimes wonder if she’s actually proud to call you her grandchild? Maybe she hides your photos away and fabricates exciting details about your life to share with her buddies at the old folks home.

Let’s assuage your guilt at being an embarrassment and make Grandma’s job a little easier. Here are ways to ensure you will be invited to visit her sometime in the future.

1. Send her photo cards for every holiday, and sometimes more often- you want to make sure you are sending more than your siblings. You don’t actually need to go to the trouble or expense of ordering the cards, simply find the example cards on your favorite scrapbooking site and fuzz out the faces a little. Grandma will blame the blurriness on her eyesight.

funny blurred family photo card

2. Lavish gifts. You can trick Grandma into thinking you’re successful by sending chocolates, perfumes and baubles to her regularly. She’ll giggle with delight each time she opens another sweet, sweet gift from you.

JeanNate bath splashmilky way candy barwoot necklace

3. Show her photos from your career. Don’t you remember seeing me on the t.v, Grandma?

funny wheeloffortune photo

 

4. Allude to the fact that your 14 year old son is a senior at MIT on the fast track toward a career at NASA. Come to think of it, your 11 year old daughter is president. Did Grandma remember that exciting occasion?

5. For the love of Gog, don’t send her undoctored photos of yourself. She doesn’t need to see you pale and normal looking. Give her a little glamor to cling to.

glamor

 

6. When you take your Grandma to lunch at Denny’s, pepper the conversation with mention of Magnum, P.I, raisins, Pond’s cold cream, coral lipstick, doctors, and word jumbles. These are things that all Grandmas love.

7. If Grandma farts audibly, jump up out of your chair abruptly and look around. Or keep explaining to her that it’s just the sound of her brittle old bones rubbing together. She’ll like that.

(If all else fails, just offer to rub her feet each time you visit and you’ll be top grand kid in no time.)

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16 Comments

  1. 03/20/2012 / 8:13 am

    I secretly love word jumbles, too. I yell out the answers when I get them real loud.

  2. 03/20/2012 / 9:22 am

    A very good start. It was always weird to me that people used to come up to me and tell me things like, "I know you think you're her favorite, but I'm really he favorite." 1) These people were not relatives. So, favorite friend's grandchild? I'm not in the running for that. 2) I knew I wasn't the favorite. Anything. I was fine with it.

  3. 03/20/2012 / 1:13 pm

    Also, never turn down hard candy. That's like the equivalent of punching someone in the face and then spitting on them. Grandmas don't like any of those things.

  4. 03/20/2012 / 4:44 pm

    Oh. That's the weird insecure drama to stay faaaaar away from.

  5. 03/20/2012 / 4:45 pm

    You are full of wisdom and common sense. This is just good advice.

  6. 03/21/2012 / 4:48 am

    That first picture freaked me out…then I read your instructions and I thought it was brilliant! W00t!

  7. 03/21/2012 / 8:18 am

    Yeah, I guess that first pic is creepy. Somehow creepy and funny to me intermingle a lot of the time.

  8. 03/21/2012 / 8:19 am

    My Grandma always used to give me Jean Nate products as gifts when I was a girl. I can still smell it!

  9. 03/21/2012 / 10:29 am

    FUNNY! My fav are the gifts too!

  10. 03/21/2012 / 12:27 pm

    Jean Nate for the win! NASA would love that orange photo of you please. You are so dang funny. Cursive woot!

  11. 03/21/2012 / 5:03 pm

    "Cursive woot!" should be the next big phrase that everyone says…

  12. 03/23/2012 / 7:19 am

    Step one: visit.

    I'm having a hard time with that one myself, actually, as both of my grandparents live outside of the country and one of them speaks English at a first grade level.

    Come to think of it, I'm not all that interested in making them love me more.

  13. 03/26/2012 / 4:18 pm

    My grandma loves foot rubs as well. She tells me that it releases the stress in her and she can feel how loved she is. Thanks for these tricky tips, she'll love these!

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