How to Woo the Woman of Your Dreams in Time for Valentine’s Day

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Last week’s Tutorial Tuesday was for all the ladies, so this week’s is for the thousands of single straight men out there who read my blog. I present you with a woman’s perspective on how to snag a special lady that you can shower with l’amour.

First, think up a creative way to ask out the gal you’ve got your eye on. Whip a note at her head at work, or maybe just arrange for her to be kidnapped and brought to your date location.


Now. Please remember that women are sensitive and gentle creatures. They like kittens and babies. If you are well versed in the language of baby talk, break it out once in a while to touch that soft spot in her heart. If you suck at baby talk, try just making soothing animal noises and sporting big eyes. Too, too cute.

Alternatively, if you talk about your mom frequently, she’ll understand what a family man you are. Regale her with fun times you’ve had with mom and how your date reminds you a lot of her. Every so often, if a tear falls from your eye, whisper bonus to yourself and keep working that magic.

Most women enjoy a good hearty tickle. Each time you get a chance to tickle or poke them in the side when they least expect it, will be a step toward sealing your romantic fate.

Think up a nickname for her based on something she’s told you about herself. This will make you feel closer. Try something like, ‘rexi’ if she’s told you she suffered from an eating disorder. Or, if she’s on the short side, maybe you could dub her ‘Gary Coleman’.

If you invite her to dinner, go ahead and order for her. Women admire a man who takes charge, knows what’s up and does it right.

More restaurant tips:

  • Read the menu out loud, while pacticing your foreign accent. Mack-uhhh-rrrroni. (roll your r’s.) I mean this is an easy one guys- the ladies love a foreign accent, and if you can show off your language abilities while you are taking charge, POW!
  • When her food arrives, send it back because it’s lacking in aesthetics.
  • When she runs to the bathroom, have her food wrapped so she doesn’t overeat.
  • Whenever she tells a story, stare deep into her soul and conquer her with your smoldering masculinity. And don’t forget to lick your dry front teeth.
  • Google her thoroughly before the date. That way, if she forgets a detail from her life, you can correct her and help her to feel more at ease.
  • Study up on big words ahead of time, and pepper them into your conversation. Women love being able to dumb themselves down for a date, and this should help immeasurably.


Should you feel that your date is progressing favorably, make your move. Nothing is more of a turn-on than a post dinner gaping mouth slowly moving toward you.

Escort her home, but don’t be a naughty monkey! Pat her head in a reassuring manner and bid her adieu. She won’t bother to buy the cow if she has a bird in the bush. What?!


  1. 01/24/2012 / 10:41 am

    You know your stuff. This is all very helpful. Particularly the nickname idea. You can also either do a nickname of their name, or, if they already use a nickname, call them by their full name. Everyone loves that.

  2. 01/24/2012 / 11:48 am

    Can't believe you give this stuff away for free! What a public service! The kidnapping combined with the baby talk and poking – the perfect date!

  3. 01/24/2012 / 1:00 pm

    This is being sent directly to my husband. Best vd ever! Pun intended.

  4. 01/24/2012 / 2:16 pm

    You know, this is exactly how my husband won my love… If he'd had the foresight to do it on Valentine's, who knows, I might have been pregnant by now!

  5. 01/24/2012 / 2:59 pm

    oh, the tickle part made me cringe. the big eyeballs, though, like on a cat, always cute.

  6. 01/24/2012 / 3:31 pm

    The bird in the bush part was the best. and yes, you shold be charging for these lessons.

  7. 01/24/2012 / 7:07 pm

    Outstanding guide! This is almost exactly how I snagged Bitsy. An alternative to Gary Coleman is "Booster Seat." Glad I can contribute.

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