Christian always says his favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. And I mean ALWAYS. He bobs around the house yammering on about his love of the day. Blah blah blah family blah blah blah no presents blah blah blah delicious food. Whatevs, Schmaltzy Sally.
I’ve felt terrible loneliness and biting jealousy for years since I couldn’t quite put my finger on a favorite holiday, defaulting alternatively to Christmas and Halloween, since I enjoy both of those holidays quite a bit. Obviously because of all the candy and presents, but also because they’re flashy and you’re supposed to love them. Like Dolly Parton.
But this year? This year I got a New Years’ miracle. I came to understand that there was something about New Years’ day that has always given me the most amazing sense of renewal- no matter how contrived the concept. I eat that shit up. The idea of shedding the past year and starting with a clean slate is powerful.
It’s this time of year that I realize just how much my energy level is directly related to my mental outlook, and my mental outlook is easily swayed by external forces. How’s THAT for self-therapy?
The external force in this case is the energy flying around with people planning big positive changes and feeling the same sort of buzz at starting a new year.
Anyway, I don’t set resolutions as much as focus on small changes I want to make on my way to bigger change. Incidentally, I tend to do this all year, and obsess about it. It just happens to be heightened and more exciting at the turn of the year.
I almost always buy too many planners and calendars, squirrel away healthy recipes and convince myself that I will go to the gym most days of the week instead of 2-3. I have visions in my head of sculpting a ballet butt and weird Madonna arms.
I fly into a frenzy of cleaning and throwing things out, pointing out each full garbage bag to Christian with a proudly squealed, “LOOK!”
The most brilliant part is that I don’t officially announce any resolutions, preferring instead to quietly and vaguely partake in the season’s traditions, thereby avoiding humiliating failure.
My manic energy doesn’t last, tapering away probably much sooner than everybody else abandons their resolutions, but then I keep buzzed from the underlying intention to become- and do- better. It’s enough to keep me from languishing in bed all day, at least until the weather starts changing and the sun gives me another shot of energy.
The key for me here is to take advantage of my hum of energy right now and do as much as I can until it leeches out of me and I’m back to being a normal person who finds it daunting to even wash a dish. So here’s to the fleeting pocket of spritely energy that’s coursing through my being. And here’s to the imminent crash that will follow. Happy New Year!