SPAM is Yummy

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I have a passion for SPAM. Not the ‘meat’. The brilliantly-crafted poetry that lands in my junk folder once a minute from people all over the world. I feel a warm kinship toward these people and feel that by reading each and every spam email I get, I am helping to create a world of acceptance and encouragement.

My Name is Ese Ogidi financial adviser to James Ibori former Governor to Delta State in Nigeria. I want to use this medium to seek for an assistance of a foreign partner and account where we can deposit funds that is currently in Europe so as to avoid any eyebrow to know where this is deposited as advised by the financial firm in charge of the deposit.

Do you see how much you can learn from just one paragraph? Apparently in Nigeria eyebrows are sentient beings, and not to be trusted.

There is absolutely going to be a great doubt and distrust in your heart in respect of this email, coupled with the fact that, so many individuals have taken possession of the Internet to facilitate their nefarious deeds, thereby making it extremely difficult for genuine and legitimate business class persons to get attention and recognition.

What I love about this one is that he takes great pains to put me at ease and side with me against those who are facilitating their nefarious deeds. I really appreciate this gesture and wired him $10,000 based on this thoughtfulness.

The thing about spam that really blows my mind, though, is how do so many people know I am wanting a steel-like boner? I’ll never get over how well they are attuned to my needs.

So I was thinking, after the 6th straight hour of reading through my spam messages, that we have a lot to learn from these fellows. It’s their unwavering drive to provide us with products that we obviously need, and their tenacious attempts to connect us with millions of dollars from somewhere unclear, but nevertheless legit.

Today I am grateful for spammers.

10 Comments

  1. 11/27/2012 / 7:14 am

    That was tooooo funny. Sometimes I respond to them asking them if I look that stupid. Right now I'm getting daily ones telling me that my money transfers aren't going through and that I need to click the link and re-enter my account information.

  2. 11/27/2012 / 7:23 am

    I get all of those account trap emails, too! Then when you look closely at their email address it's like from "so and so @ PayPahl.com"

  3. 11/27/2012 / 12:46 pm

    Craftwhack,

    You are the only person that can make annoying spam funny! (And other people's grocery shopping lists! I loved that post too!).

  4. 11/27/2012 / 1:08 pm

    One thing I love about spammers is that they are so formal. At least twice a week I get email addressed to "Mr. Andrea," usually about astonishing deals on bank loans. It's nice to know that even in today's seemingly classless society, good manners are still alive and well.

  5. 11/27/2012 / 2:55 pm

    Praise the gods for Mexican Viagra! Now I can rock my lady all night long! And in the very next email, I can get pills to make my boobs grow. And it's so helpful to get emails from lonely singles who just want to chat with me.

    (Pee Ess- I totally love that in this spam post, I have to click a box to confirm that I am NOT a terrible, malicious spammer. Don't you want DDD boobies AND a dong that can last for hours?)

  6. 11/27/2012 / 4:23 pm

    I just actually find it so entertaining- you know how it is worded to come across as friendly and casual, or earnest and helpful! Well, sometimes I enjoy it, until I actually have been on for an hour deleting it all. Then my head explodes.

  7. 11/27/2012 / 4:24 pm

    Exactly, Mr. Andrea. I get a lot addressed to 'Sir', which I totally am, and totally appreciate. So funny.

  8. 11/27/2012 / 4:26 pm

    That irony didn't escape me- I just installed a new plug-in that includes this anti-spam thing and I'm glad you noticed. Plus I've been too busy wiring money to all sorts of overseas places to get giant boobs. Yet. That's definitely next.

  9. 12/04/2012 / 2:34 pm

    Hahaha! I was wondering the other day how writing FU 3 times was ever going to get me interested in fake Rolex watches.

  10. 12/05/2012 / 1:03 pm

    After the 6th straight hour of reading through spam…..you kill me.

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