This week I shall help you to wow your child, significant other, or favorite barkeep with a personalized birthday cake. Homemade. And full of love.
I used a box mix for the purpose of this tutorial, but if you are a gifted baker, please don’t use a box mix because they taste like preservatives and ass.
1. When you mix up the cake batter, it’s a fun little bonus to throw in a few whatnots to be discovered upon consuming the finished product. This adds an element of surprise. Don’t tell anyone your secret- assign prizes to each item hidden in the cake, but if the pieces end up being swallowed- no prize!
2. When the cake comes out of the oven, it’s good practice to check the middle for doneism. I find that it’s far too imprecise to stick a knife in the middle and check it, so I use my finger. In this case, the cake proved to be thoroughly cooked, thus minimizing the risk of foodborne pathogens and group vomiting. I’m sure unwashed finger germs pose much less of a threat than undercooked eggs.
3. After leaving the cake to cool for approximately 4 3/4 hours, Frost it thoroughly. I’ve found the key to a good frosting is to use a rubber spatula, and use broad, deliberate movements. Work from your hip, and keep a relaxed posture.
4. Now is your time to shine. When it comes to decorating, I’ve found it’s more important to add personal touches than to master fancy fondant flowers or flawless gel writing. I like to brainstorm for a few weeks beforehand, really meditate on the birthday person’s (in this case, my husband) interests.
If need be, ‘borrow’ some of their possessions at the time of decorating. (Of course you’ll return them later!) Don’t be shy- the more expressive and personal the cake, the more your little birthday buddy will appreciate it. This cake won’t be forgotten anytime soon- you’ll be able to tell by the gratitude in their eyes when you present the finished masterpiece.