Must-Have Cool Items That Are So Not Technological

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Unplug, drop out and do LSD.

Wait, what? I don’t know. I do know that I am feeling so burned out by screens and technology in general lately. I’m a child of the 70’s and I miss running barefoot through the grass with nary a care in the world, the fresh dog poo squishing through my toes, chicken pox welling up in body, ready to spring forth at any moment, Cap’n Crunch firmly wedged in between all my teeth.

My way of getting offline? Writing things down on paper, which apparently is everyone else’s way too, what with the explosion of Bullet Journaling, art journals, and paper planners. ALL OF THESE THINGS ARE WONDERFUL.

In any event, you can be damn sure that when I am shopping, or browsing, either offline or online (ironically), I take heed of all the amazing items I see that promote offlinedness.

Here are some! Here are some I think you will like as much as I do! Tell me if you like them! Tell me and use lots of exclamation points!

Retro personalized recipe cards, BOYYYYYYY.

dart board

For freaking real. Dart boards are where it’s at, and I’m seriously going to buy myself one for Christmas. Do you know when an idea pops into your head, and you’re like, “OH MY GOD I LOVE THAT WHY DID I FORGET ABOUT THAT?” That’s how I feel about darts. I am shockingly terrible at darts, but I love throwing those little winged creatures right through the air at that stupid sisal circle.

jigsaw puzzle

I must be crazy like a damn loon, because I want this puzzle desperately. I want to flit about my day, doing the incredible things I do, and every once in a while sit down to this beast. Can you even imagine putting together a 4,000 piece puzzle? My dopamine levels right now are through the roof- I must conquer this puzzle. In any event, sometimes even a 500 piece puzzle does the trick, so sit your ass down and have at it.

People who 5-minute journal freak out over it. I’m pretty sure it’s the combo of simplicity (thank you) and effectiveness that seals the deal for a good product. I mean, who doesn’t want to just take 5 minutes a day to slow down and connect with one’s self for a lifetime of benefits? And yeah, yeah, you could just buy a cheapo notebook and do this yourself, but you won’t. (Ask me how I know.)

vibrator

Dude. buy a vibrator. If this can’t knock you into the real world, I don’t know what can. My favorite review of this on Amazon:

Sweet Mary, Queen of Scots…

I write this in the aftermath of my Shibari Mini Halo’s inaugural use. I only have cell reception now as I reenter Earth’s orbit.

Btw, Mars is beautiful, you guys.

Anyway, ladies… Do not hesitate. I repeat, BUY THIS DAMN HANDHELD SPACE SHUTTLE. YOU WILL SEE VISIONS, YOU WILL DREAM DREAMS! YOU WILL BELIEVE THAT GOD IS A WOMAN!

If we get enough of these into women’s hands, we can overthrow the patriarchy, js.

cookbook

Uh. yeah, A cookbook. If we have to make food, it might as well be interesting. I’ve been following Skinnytaste for years now, and her recipes are on fleek, and oh my god Urban Dictionary is hilarious with this term. 

I don’t know what  to say next. THE END. But actually, will you tell me if you have any other ideas? I feel like I could go on and on. Bye bye. TTYL. Peace out.

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5 Comments

  1. 11/04/2018 / 6:57 pm

    I am not sure which item is the most fabulous!!!!!!!! (But I was really excited to leave a comment just the same!!!!)

    • Jeanette
      Author
      11/06/2018 / 5:02 pm

      Ha! Awesome, well I appreciate the comment anyway. 🙂

  2. Cyndy R
    11/05/2018 / 10:25 am

    My husband and I had an electronic dart board in our front/play room about 15 years ago. We got into quite the habit. But then my third child came along and I didn’t have the time for that. We still have it and one day it will hang once again. I am also a child of the 70s and teen of the 80s. One of my fave things were small pads of paper and little blank books. Oh, heaven. I, too, had dog poo in my toes. My sisters and I were playing softball with our neighbors in a common grass area (we lived in a housing development called Tillicum Village and there were no fences and lots of common areas you could run and play in and cross through everyone’s yards and there was an irrigation canal running through it which we would play in during the summer and there were rocky cavelike places. It really was a heavenly place to grow up, but I digress) I crave an analog life. Tech can be great, but in limited quantities for me, otherwise I get cranky. I even wrote a poem about it about 15 years ago. I will share it with you now.

    Online time does make you bitchy
    Worse than poison oak’s bad itchy
    To yell and curse is your reaction
    To the world wide web attraction

    So stay away from that device
    I will tell you once, then twice
    Keep your children safe and happy
    Avoid the Net and take a nappy!

    ‘Nuff said! Hahaha 🙂

    • Cyndy R
      11/05/2018 / 10:41 am

      Haha! I didn’t finish the dog poo story….so I was running to of the bases and all of a sudden I go sliding onto my ass. I had hit a pile of soft dog poo and my foot slid into it and I fell down and grrrooossss! Also in the same common area there was a rocky island with trees and I went into it to go pee once and found a 20 dollar bill. Pretty frickin cool.

    • Jeanette
      Author
      11/06/2018 / 5:11 pm

      Why are you the coolest individual on planet Earth? The childhood of the suburban 70’s was something to be treasured for sure- I miss that so much for my kids. When does your book of poetry come out, cause you got it goin’ on, sister.

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