I wrote about my eye tic the other week, but then got to thinking about how it’s not exactly an eye tic, but more like an anxiety by-product. As it happened, I had a doctor’s appointment a few days later and she asked if I wanted to try a mild anti-anxiety med that’s designed to work right alongside the antidepressant I am on.
YES! Yes, I do. Please give me some respite from the overwhelming face tension and need to hide away from all mankind.
And although Winter doesn’t help the mood too much, we also seem to be one of those families that stress always follows. I like to refer to my life as an after school special, a reference you may or may not get depending on your age.
Fast forward to a few weeks later and I feel better. So much better. It’s not the dramatic feeling of lifting out of a numbing fog, like when antidepressants kick in fully, but more like a gentle shift away from obsessing about everything. Things aren’t really as dire and overwhelming as I was feeling previously. There’s nothing more welcome than an outside force (okay, a drug) rearranging thoughts in your brain like puzzle pieces you couldn’t quite fit together.
Christian showed me this set of gifs last night and, as you watch them, you feel more and more satisfied – like you are witnessing perfection happen in the form of a string of gifs. This is the opposite of what I had been feeling- like nothing quite worked or fit into place. It was massively frustrating.
I’m more than aware I need to change thought patterns, but as I’m trying, I murmur sweet nothings to my little white pills each morning as I shove them down my gullet.
I like writing about personal things. I like getting it out there and not just sharing the pretty, Pinterest-worthy projects I come up with. Life is a big ball of beauty and pain and making and fumbling and hopefully so, so, so much laughing, and I’m grateful to connect with other people through the magical wonder that is the internet, and be able to have these conversations at all times of day or night. It’s good to share all the parts of ourselves, right?